While some people may understand your pain, most people tend to think that the parents are to blame when their son’s sexual orientation is put into question. Most will blame the male figure for absence or for allowing the boy child to spend too much time with the mother. Most parents start to question "Is my son gay?" based on their behavior. You will notice that they mostly hang out around girls, have girly tendencies in terms of the way they talk and walk and the fact that they have never brought a girl home and yet they mostly keep female company. Even so, how can you tell for sure whether your son is gay?

Is My Son Gay or Not?

If you find yourself questioning your son’s sexual orientation, there are ways through which you may tell whether or not they are gay. And as a parent, it is important to take your time to assess the situation before you jump to conclusions.

Note: Since there's little scientific research on this subject, the followings are summed up based on most people's life exprience, thus it could be not agreeable universally. 

1. Does He Love Violence?

If your son is a fan of movies where people die or get hurt, or if he prefers playing violent video games, chances are he is not gay. This is because gay people are known to hate violence and anything that comprises shedding of blood.

2. What Kind of Music Does Your Son Listen To?

The taste of music is a great indicator of your son’s orientation. You can know his preference by the bands he listens to and the kind of music he prefers. Straight men are more likely to listen to metallic, motor head and Pantera music.

3. What About His Bathroom Ritual?

This could sound stereotypical, but in most cases it’s true. Have you noticed how careful and precise he is when grooming. Also see all the products he’s got!! It’s good that he’s making an effort, but it shouldn’t take him an hour to get ready, don’t you agree?

4. Does He Go for Fashion, Too Much Maybe?

If you know some gay men in your life, you should know that they are often very fashionable. It doesn’t mean straight men are not after fashion. Nowadays, most men are very into fashion. However, it’s really different with gays. It could be just too much for a straight boy to say, “Wow, how your boots go fabulous with the skinny jeans!” or “Look the way your pink nails varnished. So lovely!”

5. Who Does Your Son Idolize?

Gay men often idolize people who have elaborate, over the top lifestyles. Ask gays about Cher, Whitney Houston and Paul O’Grady, none of them will tell you they don’t love them! If your son loves divas, or watching famous “out” men such as Graham Norton, he might be gay.

6. More Telltale Signs That Your Son Is Gay

  • Your son will prefer to use a yellow towel over his head, he often runs his hands through his hair and prefers it if you call him by a girly name.
  • He may ask all his teammates in his first tee ball practice if they are catchers or pitchers.
  • Even though it is football, if you find your son completely obsessed with some of the players, he may be gay.
  • If your son prefers Halloween costumes that are girly, it may be an indicator that he is gay. Also, if your son likes trying out the mother’s shoes and clothes, then that could be a warning sign.
  • If your son prefers having his male friends sleeping over too often, it may be an indicator as well.

How to Handle It If My Son Is Gay

Once you have ascertained that indeed your son is gay, there are measures you can take to ensure this situation is being handled in the best way possible. The tips below will guide you on how best to handle the situation without straining your relationship with your son.


How to Do It

Show Your Encouragement

When you act like you are embarrassed by your son, it can greatly strain the healing process. When you start thinking about what people will say, you shift focus from the issue at hand. If you are finding it hard to speak on the issue, give it time. On the other hand, encouragement can help the healing process.  

Express Your Love Physically

It is very important for you to express your love for your son physically rather than verbally. The worst thing you can do to your son after learning he is gay is keeping away from him.  

Fathers Should Show Love

It is very important for a father to show love for their son, not just verbally but also physically. They should also speak praises and admiration for their son. Remember that regardless of your son’s sexual orientation, you do not cease to be his father and thus should not cease to love them and tell them that you do.

Cultivate an “Open-Door Policy”

It is important to cultivate two-way conversations with your son. Instead of being the one who dictates what is acceptable and what is not, allow your son to express themselves and try as much as possible to reach a common ground.

Talk with Your Child    

It is very important to talk with your son. Create an atmosphere where your son can comfortably come to you and tell you about anything and everything.

Watch What You Say

Avoid as much as possible using words like dyke, faggot, lesbo, fairy or expressions like “that is so gay” among others. These can cause more harm to your son than you think as they come out as offensive and judgmental. Avoid using hateful speech when communicating with your son.

Allow Your Son to Be Himself

It is very important to let your son be himself. If they are fans of project runaway and music theater, then let them be; some of these behaviors do not necessarily mean your child is gay. Show them support is a good way of letting them know that they are loved just the way they are.